he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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