so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
