theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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