just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
