They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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