You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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