The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
