i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
