I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
