Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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