Who wears a wallet chain?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
