Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
