I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My penis needs a shock collar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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