ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
