we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
