I'm so fucking centered right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
