I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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