Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
