She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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