They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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