They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
