Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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