he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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