im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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