I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize