The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
