Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
