He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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