So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
