guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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