I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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