I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
another moral hangover. fuck.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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