I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
