Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
