also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
