you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
