He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
