I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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