You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize