Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How external is "for external use only"?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize