By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
