i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
