just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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