I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
