Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
