Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
