I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found puke in my bra..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
