I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
