Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
