You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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