god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
