I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
