This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
