I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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