do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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