Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
