Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
