You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize