Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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