I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
