She is in my trunk
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
