can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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